My name is Victrinia, and I am a uterine cancer survivor. I am, in fact, a poster child for early detection. I’ve lived as a survivor for over sixteen years.

And even after all these years…I still think about it. I still have an emotional relationship with that experience. Like so many others, I can have ‘scanxiety’… or a ‘what’s that bump?’ reaction towards my body from time to time.

But I am so much more than a survivor… and honestly, cancer… which showed up as a crucible in my life… made me a better person.

It feels so awkward to say that, to think that there is something to be grateful for in my experience. Don’t get me wrong… Cancer cost me. Hopes and dreams were burned up in that crucible – I had always dreamed of being a mom… and I got to have medically induced menopause in my 30s instead. It took a lot of time and therapy to sort out how to let go of those dreams, and to learn to be at peace with my new body. But what was left, after the fires had cooled, was a person more in touch with the meaning of her life. Friendships mean more… love is sweeter… forgiveness of others and self is easier… and the willingness to offer kindness and acceptance as a near spiritual path has become my core belief.

Being right… being the best… being first… these things hold smaller meaning to those of us who have chosen to peer through the keyhole of understanding to what cancer can teach us. The preciousness and fragility of life… and sometimes the smallness of our world view.

Cancer was the crucible, in a fiery furnace, which burned away the chaff of what I thought was important… and left the gold of my life.

Of course, the reality of my own humanity is that I fumble… I fall… and make messes and mistakes that are at odds with the gold left behind. So, I catch myself… correct the hurt… and do the repair work that is needed.

But now I have the awareness… and the willingness… to acknowledge my flaws… give compassion to myself, my errors… and love on. I see the suffering in others with a kind of heart aching compassion that can take my breath away. I have forgiveness in abundance, because I earnestly hope and pray to be given the same from others. And if I do not… I will still love on.

If you are reading this, it’s likely that you too have been affected by cancer. I offer all of this as a perspective of how you could see this experience for yourself… to look through that keyhole… to find your own groundswell of compassion, hope, and joy inside of kindness.

Cancer Lifeline, Harmony Retreats, and The Orion Center for Integrative Medicine, are here to co-journey with you on this path to self-understanding and healing. I’m grateful to be able to say I am a part of this beautiful organization. If you want to learn more about how to access the new ways that we can support you… reach out… we are here for you.

Yours in service,

Victrinia Ridgeway
Cancer Lifeline Staff Member