The moment I knew, for sure, I had breast cancer my mind became a blank slate.  My past was erased and I had only this instant where there was nothing.  I was suddenly thinking of my own death.  This lasted for a nanosecond.  I told my husband it was malignant and he wrapped me in his arms and then I was able, from deep within, to coalesced into a ball of concentration.  I would do what I had to do, do what seemed to me to be the best path. Listen to all my doctors and my gut.  If we all agreed, I went forward with it. Early in the journey, at an appointment at Swedish Issaquah, I saw a flyer on the wall about an organization called Cancer Lifeline.  I added the information to the reams of other information I was given.  Then I started chemo and forgot about Cancer Lifeline.  I was in survival mode.  Concentrating on the 3 week cycle of infusion, side effects, 3 days of relative calm then, whoosh, back to the beginning.  Toward the end of chemo treatments I realized that as much as my husband and children (both natural born and in-law) were there for me some of the experiences were beyond their ken.  Then I remembered the CL information. Since this was toward the end of COVID, being still leery about even going to the grocery store, I was grateful I could stay at home, bald as a baby, not far from a toilet and to be with others who got me, who knew what I was going through.  One of my first ever sessions I attended was Surviving Breast Cancer moderated by Patti Carey.  That is when I realized I had the strength and resiliency inside to face what ever was outside. The writing, journalling and poetry classes offered by Cancer Lifeline allowed me the space to explore a part of me that had been ,rather, suppressed in my early teen years.   Writing was not prized as much as Algebra and Chemistry. Writing For the Moment with Peggy Sturdivant has given me a safe place to stretch into myself and get to my writer’s side. Attending my first Saturday Woman’s Support group lead by Basha (no last name needed) led me to a group of fellow travelers.  People who have been on the same road as me.  Even if our own particular journey is one we face alone it is heartening to know there is a posse of people traveling along side me. I am now NED. I will live with the knowledge that I had cancer.  Do I wish it had never happened.? Yes indeed.  At the same time I am pleased with who I am now.  I am braver than I ever thought.  I have a core of strength that runs through from top to bottom.